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“Barack Obama ought to genuinely be up 14 points like the NY Times says he is. I think William Ayers and ACORN are sticking.”

“Jerry Jones has his massive new $1.1 billion stadium down there in Arlington, Texas, but they can’t find anybody to pay for the naming rights. About the only guy in the country who’s not in debt and has the money to pay for the naming rights would be me. That would be cool: ‘Limbaugh Stadium’.”

“The New York Times today is writing again about ‘the sharply personal attacks on Obama.’ What ‘sharply personal attacks’? All the McCain camp is doing is telling the truth about the little squirrel.”

“To say that Robin Hood is the equivalent of Obama is to malign and impugn Robin Hood. I remember watching Robin Hood when I was growing up, and I remember the sheriff of Nottingham was as evil at that guy on Lost in Space — might have been the same guy, for all I know.”

“Has your school demanded that you come in and watch Algore’s propaganda movie with their students in the past month? No. However, first graders are going on field trips in San Francisco to see their teacher get married to her lesbian lover.”

“Did you see what Sarah Palin did yesterday? Somewhere on the way to a campaign stop, she pulled into a Wal-Mart and bought some diapers. When did you ever think that you would see pictures of a vice presidential candidate buying diapers at Wal-Mart?”

“Isn’t it interesting, ladies and gentlemen, that Obama wants to take from the rich to give to the poor when it comes to money, but when it comes to human life, Obama is willing to allow babies to be killed in order to get their mothers’ votes?”

“Tim Mahoney’s mistress is being treated no worse than most other women Democrats find inconvenient — from Sarah Palin to Hillary Clinton to Monica Lewinsky to Chandra Levy to Paula Jones.”

“Barry promises that there will be no Bill Ayers in the Obama administration. Maybe what McCain ought to do is promise that Bin Laden will not be asked to serve in his cabinet. I mean, can you imagine the absurdity of having to reassure people you won’t give a bomber a job in your administration?”

“Everybody out there, check your credit card bill for the last month to see if somehow $2,300 has been charged to the Obama campaign.”

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“Now it is plain for one and all to see: Taking the moderate path of appeasement leads to abysmal defeat.”

“I would like to congratulate President-Elect Barack Obama, ladies and gentlemen. Without Obama, we would still be dealing with the specter of Hillary Clinton lurking around the Democrat Party, seeking the White House.”

“I’ve just been handed a note here: ‘President Dmitri Medvedev orders missiles deployed in Europe as world hails Obama.’ No big deal. Another note: ‘Palestinians launch rocket attack into Israel as world hails Obama.’ No big deal.”

“Now, our road to rebuilding is going to be steep, but I know that as conservatives, we will get there. Can we oppose the belief that one’s earnings must be redistributed for the false promise of fairness? Yes, we can!”

“It’s patently obvious — looking at the election returns — that we have not risen above our own public education.”

“As long as you start making excuses for your failure, you’re never going to get to the core of the problem, and the core of the problem today is that the Republican Party — for some inexplicable reason — decided to abandon conservatism.”

“Last night Obama said, ‘I know there are people out there who didn’t vote for me, but I’m going to listen to you.’ As in, the-Fairness-Doctrine-you’re-going-to-listen-to-us?”

“I love enlightening stupid people. I get euphoric when I turn the light on inside some stupid person’s brain. Does that sound cruel, Mr. Snerdley? Well, what’s wrong with the word ‘stupid’?”

“Exit polls said that 48% of voters said Sarah Palin was a drag on the ticket. Who the hell put that question together and for what purpose? Sarah Palin saved this campaign! Sarah Palin was the closest thing we had to conservatism on parade, and you saw the crowds that she drew!”

“Washington voters approve an assisted suicide initiative, but actually half the country voted for assisted suicide last night anyway, so it’s no big loss.”

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“There’s one reason why Obama will not seek a meeting with me: I’m the only guy who might be able to change his mind.”

“Unbeknownst to me, a corner of my napkin dipped into a bowl of ranch dressing yesterday at the White House. The president looked at me with horror on his face: ‘Limbaugh, you’re going to ruin your blue suit! This is the White House! Shape up, man!'”

“How many people would admit to you that they dipped their napkin in ranch dressing at lunch at the White House? That’s how secure of myself I am.”

“So I walked into the Medal of Freedom ceremony yesterday, and one of the first people I see as I’m glancing around is Colin Powell. I just looked at him, and he looked at me, and I just looked at him.”

“Okay, let’s see here, folks: The education nominee cannot speak proper grammar, the treasury nominee doesn’t pay taxes, and the nominee for secretary of state voted for a war that she opposed. Got it.”

“The left has the Republican Party right where they want it. They have a party that’s subservient, cowardly, that’s running around saying, ‘We want Obama to succeed’ — which is tantamount to saying, ‘We want extreme liberalism to succeed.'”

“Bin Laden today has a new tape where he calls for a jihad against Israel. Excuse me, but hasn’t there been a jihad against Israel for decades?”

“What I think last night was about was Barack Obama trying to choose who the conservative leaders are. Now, you might be saying, ‘Rush, how could he do that?’ Well, he’s the president-elect, he’s historic, and he has just given these people who dined with him last night an audience.”

“Yesterday I had my driver take me by the Capitol to see what’s set up for the inauguration. I have never seen so many Port-A-Potties in all my life.”

“A friend said to me, ‘I, frankly, am stunned you just don’t want to get out of politics for a couple of months. Do you realize how depressed we all are out here?’ And I said, ‘Depressed? I am energized, I am honored, and I am happy to be the last man standing.'”

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“Obama said he wants to redo the ‘foundation’ of this country. If he succeeds in this, the dream of our founders will have been killed.”

“It is difficult to find, ladies and gentlemen, a time in American history when so many liberals have spent so much time slinging so much mud on an embryonic movement. They are petrified and scared to death of the 500 tea parties!”

“Obama made it plain yesterday in his speech that he wants an entirely new ‘foundation’ on which to build the United States and the US economy. We already have a foundation. It’s called the Constitution!”

“You’re going to be mischaracterized no matter what you do at these tea parties. You could show up singing peace songs in togas and smoke some dope, but they’re still going to call you ‘bitter clingers’ and so forth.”

“Obama proposed building a new foundation for our economy, one built on a rock. What rock? Marxism? Socialism? Hard to say. All we get is the dreamy, silky speeches that promise a better day.”

“I’ve been paying taxes since I was 13, and this is probably the first time in my life that I’ve thought it completely worthless. I have never felt more like throwing money down a bottomless pit.”

“You could put all 535 members of Congress and Obama together and make them work, and they could not generate the kind of revenue they are taking from everybody else. They haven’t the talent, they haven’t the wherewithal, they haven’t the knowledge.”

“Barack Obama could no more produce this country’s GDP to redistribute it himself than anybody else could, yet he believeshe canbecause of his sense of entitlement based on his self-perception of superior intelligence.”

“There’s a lot of young people at these tea parties, too. That’s got to frighten the White House, because young people are supposed to be the new mind-numbed robots blindly following Obama down the path of fairness, equality, and utopia.”

“How do you ‘earn a tax cut’ in Obama’s perverted mind and world? You ‘earn a tax cut’ by not paying any taxes!”

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“It’s not bad for a guy like me to have a 30% approval rating in a Muslim country, folks. I’ll take that any day.”

“Did King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia grow six inches? Well, the last time Obama met him, he bowed down and the White House said, ‘No, he wasn’t bowing down, the king is just so much shorter than President Obama.’ Maybe the king was wearing the lifts that have been popularized by Kim Jong-il.”

“When Leahy and Schumer and Kennedy and all the rest apologize to Miguel Estrada, Clarence Thomas, and Janice Rogers Brown, then I might give a damn what they have to say — and that goes for their media puppets in the state-controlled media as well.”

“Lara Logan of CBS News said that Obama ‘has raised the hopes of Muslims all over the world’. What hopes do Middle Eastern Muslims have? Might it have anything to do with Israel? Or do they just want their share of the stimulus money?”

“Just to be clear, I have nothing against anyone’s faith. I just do not like Islamofascist terrorists.”

“Here’s the real problem with nationalized health care, if the Democrats get their way: the concept of individual freedom and liberty will be obliterated. Washington will be able to regulate every facet of our behavior under the guise that it has some kind of a cost impact on health care.”

“I mean, look at the Department of Motor Vehicles. Do they care a whit about making you happy or satisfying you there? Now, imagine that when you go to the doctor under nationalized health care.”

“I looked up CNN’s favorability numbers last night after I heard that they did a poll on me, and, believe me, folks — when you have 600,000 out of 200 million people watching you, I would say you have a disapproval number that’s about 97%.”

“If they are going to expand the life expectancy of earth to 2.3 billion years, could we then please start talking about drilling for oil and not having to drive around in little tinfoil carswhile the Iranians and the ChiComs and the North Koreans go nuclear?”

“I’m Rush Limbaugh, serving humanity. How? Simply by showing up, folks. That’s how.”

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“Obama has lost the only thing he had going into all this, and that’s the trust of a majority of the American people. And without that, he’s got nothing.”

“We have polls today that show that conservatives outnumber liberals in every state in this country, and we have a poll showing that the Democrat Party approval is under 50%. This is a center-right country, so the path for the Republicans here is crystal clear: no deals, present free-market solutions, and reap the rewards.”

“There’s a huge difference between selfishness and self-interest — it’s called staying alive. Remember that? The Bee Gees?”

“By the way, 60,000 AARP members have canceled their membership. That’s a good start. We only have 40 million more to go. But who would have ever thought that a Democrat president could get 60,000 seasoned citizens to tell the AARP to go to hell?”

“This is all happening because we’re finally seeing what ultra-radical leftism is. It is arrogance, it is contempt, and it is Obama finally opening up being exactly who he is.”

“The days of us being defensive and worrying about what the media and the precious moderates might say are over. Going on offense here is what has worked, and that’s the huge lesson.”

“Do you remember when Clinton was talking about welfare reform, and the slogan was, ‘Mend it, don’t end it’? I think with Obamacare rationing, the slogan regarding America’s life spans will be, ‘End it, don’t extend it.'”

“Folks, I cannot tell you how proud of you I am, and I don’t mean to sound paternalistic. I’m saying this as one of you. You and you alone have totally turned this administration upside down and inside out.”

“The killer for me was Barney Frank saying to this woman, ‘What planet do you live on?’ Isn’t it an established fact that Barney Frank himself spends most of his time living around Uranus?”

“I think Baghdad Bob, perhaps, has taken over the bodies of Robert Gibbs and Linda Douglass.”

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“Attorney General Holder says justice has been delayed for the victims of USS Cole. The Cole was bombed in 2000, when Eric Holder was the deputy attorney general!”

“Layoffs are beginning at the Associated Press. I guess that means there are probably no more Sarah Palin books to fact check out there.”

“It’s stupid to run out and say that the goal of the jobs summit is not job creation; then what the hell is it? Well, it’s a propaganda meeting! It’s for Obama to save some face and shift the blame!”

“Let me ask you something: After all these supposed fat cats get their compensation slashed to the bare bone, is your life going to be any better? See, the Democrats are counting on satisfying you simply by fulfilling your desire for revenge.”

“We haven’t suffered any moral failing here in America. Maybe among some elite leftists in Europe, but who gives a crap? Who cares what Hugo Chavez thinks?”

“Remember all the conventional wisdom: ‘Hey, Rush, don’t worry about Bush signing campaign finance reform. The Supreme Court will never find it constitutional.’ Meanwhile, today we have campaign finance reform — which is why when there’s conventional wisdom, you’ll find ol’ El Rushbo running in the opposite direction.”

“Now, if these clowns, these terrorists, are convicted without having been Mirandized, what does that precedent set? Can’t they then be denied to us in the future under this precedent?”

“Who in the world is going to want to join the intelligence agencies now with the possibility that their work is going to be made public and brought into court? This is sick stuff.”

“You know, John, I want to give you something. I can hear the stress and the nervousness in your call. I am going to give you a bunch of HoMedics massagers. At least while you’re looking for a job now, you can get a massage at the same time on us.”

“Whether Obama is diabolical, deceitful, or just plainly incompetent doesn’t matter. The end result is the same: rotten.”

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“It’s ironic to me that a man who has such large ears could be so tone deaf to the American people.”

“You know, everybody’s talking about Rahm Emanuel wanting the gig of mayor of Chicago, but I haven’t seen anything asking whether or not Rahm Emanuel’s corrupt enough for the job.”

“I live in Literalville, which gets me in a lot of trouble with most people who don’t live in Literalville. I mean, you ought to try to talk to people who don’t live in Literalville when you live in Literalville.”

“I think the country is in a fight for its life, and I don’t think I’m overstating this at all. We’re in a fight for our liberty. I mean liberty with a capital L, and I mean freedom with a capital F — with 15 exclamation pointsafter each.”

“As you know, I do not endorse in primaries. My theory is, politicians come and go, but I am forever.”

“All this talk about ‘the American people want the parties to get along’… It’s all a crock. American people don’t like the partisanship? No. What the American people don’t like is the country being taken to hell!”

“I would go so far as to say that one of the problems in this country is the professional politician of either party. The professional politician — that’s what the uprising is against here.”

“A ‘fiscal conservative’ is somebody who wishes the social issues crowd would not rear their head in politics.”

“‘Sixty percent are satisfied with their appearance in a new survey from MSNBC.com and Elle magazine.’ Now, obviously, folks, some of you people are lying to yourselves about this. I mean, let’s be honest. This is what happens when we teach self-esteem in the schools above all else.”

“You know, whether Tom sleeps with Dick is really not the big thing right now.”

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“Dems hope the GOP Congress tries to make cuts like New Jersey and Wisconsin, failing to notice that the public isn’t outraged over them.”

“Barack Obama is the first trillionaire in American history. He treats the federal budget as his money to spend and do with whatever he wants.”

“You know, Shakespeare said some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them. Obama is the last of these. The media is doing its best to force greatness upon Obama because there is no genuine greatness.”

“You guys in the media, this is 2011. This is not 1995 or 1980. You’re dealing with a public that is far more informed than you think they are because they know what you’re not reporting.”

“It’s becoming a popular defense for people who are caught being themselves: ‘That’s not who I am.’ Yeah, right, who was it, then? Who got hold of your Twitter account?”

“You don’t have to be from New York to read the New York Times. You can read the New York Times in Oshkosh if you want. It’s called the Internet.”

“Whenever the left is faced with a direct confrontation on their views, they can only resort to deceit and lies and cliched accusations: racism, ageism, sexism, starving children, hating aliens, and so on and so forth.”

“You know, all candor, folks, callers like this last guy make me question the whole concept of evolution.”

“Jimmy Carter was just a bumbling fool — this guy’s not. Obama may be naive on certain things, but all of this is not the result of flawed good intentions.”

“Reality draws blood when it bites you in the butt, and that’s not a pleasant place to bleed from.”

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