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RUSH: Store Santa Clauses. Folks, this is the UK Daily Mail, but it’s a story about us. “It will soon be time for every child to draw up their list for Santa. But now they could be in for something of a surprise – when Santa asks them to take a few things off of it. The largest Santa school in the U.S. has been advising its students on how to lower children’s expectations in the economic downturn. When confronted with a huge list of ‘I wants’, Santas are being told to tell them that they can’t have everything. They should also take a look at the children’s parents and ‘size them up’,” profile ’em “before promising them something that their mother and father can’t afford.”

So here’s a tip for you. If you’re gonna take your kid to a Santa Claus thing, you dress up like the biggest dregs on the face of the earth and the Santa Claus is gonna be told to tell you your kid not to expect anything because you look like a pauper. Santa Claus is under instructions to size you up, and if you look like a loser, your kid’s gonna be told to expect nothing, and you’re off the hook. By the same token if you show up looking good Santa is gonna think you can afford a whole bunch of toys and gonna tell the kid to expect a lot.


“The measures are part of the new syllabus at the Charles W. Howard Santa Claus School in Midland, Michigan, the New York Times reported. Dating back to 1937, it is the oldest and most celebrated Santa school in the U.S., but it is now having to move with the times. Some Santas have been taken aback by young children who have presented them with spread sheet, printouts and cuttings from catalogues instead of a simple wish list. Others have become so tired of being asked for iPods they have prepared stock answers to get around it.”

There’s nothing new about this. I left hints all over the house. I’d cut out pictures of cars and put ’em under the glass of my dad’s desk. Anyway, “The Charles W. Howard Santa Claus School runs a three day course for would-be Santas every fall. For new students tuition is $415, and it’s $365 for returning Clauses.” And they’re teaching the Santas to size up parents and tell the kids not to expect jack-you-know-what. It’s in the New York Times. The New York Times is very happy about this. I think the largest Santa Claus school in the country is the Democrat Party. Hell, this guy in Michigan is chump change compared to the Democrat Party and Barack Obama.

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