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RUSH: I want to talk about the Northeast and the blizzard. We need to issue some guidelines for people: What to do when it starts snowing. (interruption) Will they survive? Some will survive. Some will survive. I think we’re fairly safe in saying some will survive.

But some are saying it’s the worst snowstorm ever. Now, I want to remind you: There was a snowstorm once in the 1800s. It also was in the Sierra Nevada mountain range in Northern California near Lake Tahoe, and there’s a place that’s been named for this. It’s Donner Pass. It was named for the Donner Party. There was a real snowstorm there, a real bad snowstorm that was so bad that the Donner Party had to resort to cannibalism that winter to survive, and therefore they had to eat each other to survive.

They ate their dead, is what happened.

Yet they’re telling us that this thing in the Northeast is the worst ever, inspired by global warming. I want to tell you this little story. It was 1992, I believe, around there. It was 1992, ’93. I’d started this program in 1988. I did the radio program every day. I had written a book, was in the process of writing a second book and was doing a television show, and I hadn’t taken any vacation time.

My broadcast partners were very alarmed that I was gonna burn out because I didn’t take time off, vacation time. I was just working, working, working. So they insisted I take off. In fact, it was a February. They insisted that I take a-three-day weekend in February and go to Florida, and one of the guys involved owned a condominium on the 24th floor at Singer Island, which, as the crow flies, is a mile north of where we are now.

I remember flying out on a Friday afternoon where there was already 12 inches of snow at Teterboro, and we flew out on a little Jetstar and the flight crew said, “Well, we’re gonna give this a go, but we want to tell you: If we have to have an emergency stop it’s gonna be a little tough.” The airport was open. We flew out of there and got down to Florida. It was about 85 that weekend.

They got 25 inches of snow in New York that weekend, and that was the first of two such February snowstorms that I remember living through in New York. So my point is, this has happened before and it will happen again. There were two, 25-inch snowstorms in New York City. I lived through both of them. I’m here to tell the tale. I survived, and you can, too. If you follow some very simple, government-issued instructions, you can survive this, and we are here to help you.

I’ve done it.

I have done it.

I’ve done this. One of them I did leave, there’s no question, but I stayed through the other one. I have cred. I know how to tell you to survive and stay alive during this snowstorm.


RUSH: One of the things that I would urge all of you in the path of this snowstorm, this blizzard — Snowmageddon they’re calling it. Those of you in New York City, in Connecticut, Long Island: I know it’s raining there now, but know that when the temperatures cool it’s gonna turn to snow again. Those of you in Boston and other places, too. There are several things that you can do to survive this snowstorm. If you haven’t already, you need to go to the nearest convenience store, grocery store, whatever.

Buy up every bottle of water you see, and buy up as many batteries as you can. You need get a bunch of macaroni and cheese, stuff that you can heat by candle. You never know. You might lose your electricity. You need to go to the ATMs and withdraw all your cash, because you never know. The bank’s may not be open for six or seven years after this snowstorm. So you’re gonna need to make preparations here. Once the snow actually starts, this is when it gets really dangerous and very treacherous.

These are things that you need to know: A, don’t go outside. But if you must go outside, put on several layers of clothing. The purpose of this is to keep you warm, because in a snowstorm it’s usually very cold. Temperatures are below freezing (which is 32), and the more layers that you have on, the warmer you will stay. Plus the dryer you will be because snow is nothing more than frozen rain or frozen precipitation. But your body temperature and your clothes are warmer than the snow.

So when the snow hits you in the face or your hands or exposed skin — the epidermis, the upper layer, the outer layer of your skin and your clothes — it will immediately turn wet, and it will become heavy! When your clothes get wet, they become heavy, and it will be harder to walk. At that point, you run the risk of having a heart attack, which could kill you, because all of those layers weigh a lot. And then if they get wet you’re running a real health risk. Make sure that you cover the top of your head.

Most of the loss of body temperature and heat comes from the top of your head, primarily the holes. You may not know it but there are many holes in your head, particularly near the top. For those of you who have really open minds, it’s especially dangerous. So wear a cap of some kind to keep that heat in, inside your head. And if you shovel the snow, don’t do that. You really shouldn’t shovel the snow. But if you do, make sure you take a couple of aspirin every five minutes so that if you have a heart attack, you might survive to make the phone call.


RUSH: Back to our survival tips segment, this is very important. We are, here at the Excellence in Broadcasting Network, devoted to saving lives. I want to pick up where I left off in terms of tips, survival tips for the snowstorm, the blizzard, it’s never happened before in New York and Boston. As I said, wear lots of layers, and change them often. Don’t go out, stay indoors. But some of you are not gonna listen. You’re gonna go outside anyway. For those of you that go outside, wear lots of layers, even if they don’t fit. It might feel uncomfortable, putting on all those layers. Your belt may not be big enough. That’s okay. Deal with it. Lots of layers, lots of different socks, gloves, and then change them often.

If you go outside, go back in every ten minutes and change because they’re gonna get wet because the snow is gonna turn to water when it hits and you melts. Make sure your head’s covered, you stay warm. Don’t shovel snow. Do not shovel snow. It doesn’t matter if people can’t get to your house because the sidewalk is clogged because if you shovel snow you’ll probably have a heart attack. If you have a heart attack somebody’s gonna have to call 911 and that means the first responders are gonna have to risk their lives trying to get to you in that mess and they’re probably not gonna be able to get there ’cause we’ve never seen a snowstorm like this. There might not be any cars that can travel.

So you don’t want to have a heart attack. So make sure you take lots of aspirin. Get all the bottles of water you can, all the batteries you can. Carry enough of that stuff with you so that you’re able to deal with any emergency. Take a radio with you, a portable television, an iPad or what have you. Make sure everything’s fully charged. And if you’re still confused, turn on the television to any local station because what they do, they’ll have their reporters actually doing everything they’ve told you not to do. Their reporters will be outside. Their reporters will be driving. Their reporters will be standing there getting wet and snowy and cold and freezing. They have people that do this for you. Local TV stations will have people outside in the snow so that you will know what it’s like without having to go outside yourself, and they will also have some very important tips for you.

You’re gonna look out your window and everything’s gonna be white, ’cause that’s what happens when it snows a lot. You’re gonna be intrigued. You want to go out and see what it’s like. Don’t. The government has even issued guidelines. Don’t go out. Just turn on local TV and find out what it’s like without having to go out because they’ll have reporters out there doing everything you shouldn’t do in order to bring the news to you. I mean, they’ll tell you which roads that you should avoid. I know some of you are not gonna listen to me. You’re gonna get in your car, you’re gonna drive. And if you do that you’re gonna have to remember a lot of things. Pump your brakes when you approach a stop sign or stoplight. Pump the brakes. If you just lay on the breaks you’re gonna skid, and if you skid, turn into it. Don’t turn out of it; turn into it. You shoulda learned this in driver’s ed. If you didn’t, it’s too late now.

But you shouldn’t go out. The airplanes are not gonna be flying. You can go to the airport if you want, but there is not gonna be anything happening there. You can at least stay warm while you’re there. Well, now, children should not be allowed outside to play in the snow. That’s something that we used to do in this country a long time ago. Kids had sleds, but they ran ’em into trees, they ran ’em into the street with oncoming traffic. It’s too dangerous, too risky. I had a Flexible Flyer sled growing up. No, I didn’t get a concussion, but had I known the great risk that my parents were putting me through I mighta sued them later on.

I had a Flexible Flyer, but nobody told me of these dangers. We’ve had so much progress, folks. For example, when you do go outside, even though you shouldn’t, walk slowly and be very careful, because in addition to the snow melting, it doesn’t melt when it hits the sidewalk, it turns to ice, and that’s very slippery. It could cause you to fall. If you fall wrong you could break your tailbone. You could break your wrist trying to break your fall and that would again necessitate the first responders and they might not be able to get to you because the snow is such that the roads are impassable, and so you just shouldn’t go out. Avoid overexertion when shoveling the snow.

I wouldn’t even shovel. It could bring on a heart attack, major cause of death in the wintertime. But, if you’re gonna shovel, if you’re not gonna listen, be sure you stretch. By all means stretch before going outside. And keep dry, even outside, stay dry, change your clothing frequently. There are any number of things you can do to survive this, any number of things you can do to stay alive, which is what we want for everybody during this unique, it’s never-happened-before snowstorm, in the Northeast. I mean there are many more tips that we can provide, but I think you get the gist of it here. You might want to start a fire, if you have a fireplace, ’cause it’s really cool with a fireplace, you look outside and it’s all white and snowy and stuff.

Maybe put on some Christmas music and pretend, or put on some Tony Bennett or Frank Sinatra. Get all the hot chocolate you can find. When you go to the store to get all the batteries and all the water you can find, mac and cheese, you know, just be prepared. Be prepared. Make sure your telephones are working. Make sure your cell phones are working. If you got an Obama phone, make sure that it’s working and not shut down. Any number of things that you can do to keep yourself alive, and of course your children, who don’t know any of this. And, as I say, any questions, turn on local TV news. They will have people outside telling you what it’s like out there without you having to go. And they’ll be doing everything you shouldn’t do. Those TV reporters will be doing everything they’re telling you not to do, because they are committed to you staying alive.

They’re willing to put themselves at risk standing outside. They’re willing to put themselves at risk driving to wherever it is they’re gonna end up standing. They’re willing to put themselves at risk standing out there hour after hour after hour in the blizzard so that they can show you what it’s like without you having to go out in it. That’s commitment. Local TV news reporters never, ever get enough credit for the great contributions they make during all storms, hurricanes, rain, wind, they’re there, wherever, they always show up and they put their lives on the line so that you don’t have to.

Is there anything I forgot? Oh, make sure your EBT card is fully loaded. By all means, your food stamp card, I forgot this. You still have time in certain parts to make sure your EBT card is fully charged. Oh, that would be a disaster if that isn’t the case. And if you have an Obama phone, make sure it’s still working. That’s crucial.

Is there anything I’ve left out? Mr. Snerdley, is there anything? What have I left out? What have I failed to mention?

Carol in Zeeland, Michigan, apparently I forgot something?

CALLER: Yes. Actually, a very important thing. Never, ever, eat yellow snow.

RUSH: Gosh, you’re right, how could I have forgotten that? You are a godsend. That’s very thoughtful. I, of course, never would, so that’s why I didn’t think of it, but you are exactly right.

CALLER: Well, some people might so I think you need to get that message out, Rush.

RUSH: It’s a very important point. Let me tell you what she means. Let me explain this to you. Snow is white. That is, until cars drive on it, and of course they just turn it black and dirty like they do to the environment anyway. But sometimes when you’re in the snow where cars haven’t been, and it’s just lovely, beautiful and white and you’re walking in it, which again you shouldn’t do. Don’t go outside. But if you do, and if you’ve stretched and if you’re not exerting yourself, you’re walking and you might see a patch of yellow snow, and say, “Whoa, what is that?”

It might look like a natural snow cone to you. Don’t eat it. Do not scoop it up and eat it. Yellow snow is not good for you. It is sterile, I mean, you can rest assured that it is sterile. But you know what the problem with this is, though? It’s like when I say, “Don’t think pink,” what are you doing? You’re thinking pink. Don’t eat yellow snow, people are gonna go, “Oh, yellow snow, Limbaugh said don’t eat it. I wonder why.” Just don’t.


RUSH: Meeting and surpassing all audience expectations every day, Rush Limbaugh and the EIB Network. As we speak, the mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg, has convened what looks to be the entire city government, and they are arrayed behind him while he is at the podium explaining to New Yorkers that some of them are going to die in the next three days and what they can do to not be among those who perish. You know, New York City may get eight inches, he said, before the snow tapers off tomorrow morning. At the outside, 12 inches, eight to 12 inches, a whole foot. I kid you not, a whole foot of snow.

The mayor is on TV warning about it now, and he’s also telling people who are still homeless and without electricity because of Hurricane Sandy that there are shelters set up for them. The only problem is that they have to go outside to get to the shelters, and the instructions are to not go outside. I’m genuinely surprised that that circumstance still exists. I thought the repairs after Hurricane Sandy had been made. Apparently not. Anyway, you’re supposed to call 311 if you’re a Sandy victim, and then that’ll tell you where to go to get shelter. But the problem is you gotta go outside to get to the shelter and you’re not supposed to go outside when it starts snowing. It’s a real conundrum. It’s a dilemma, and the mayor did not explain this.

I didn’t touch on the pitfalls of carbon monoxide poisoning and how you could die from that, too. That happens when you stay inside and carbon monoxide forms because of faulty equipment in your home heating or maybe your gas stove. The pilot light would go out but the gas continues to flow, and you wouldn’t know it if you don’t have a carbon monoxide alarm and you just start to fall asleep. You might think it’s some mysterious Philadelphia-like disease, but it isn’t. It’s carbon monoxide poisoning, and you might fall asleep before you actually realize that’s what’s happened, in which case open a window. But then, when you do that, the risk you’re running is that cold air is going to enter your home, and that means your heat, if you have any, it’s gonna be running constantly. Your electricity bill or gas bill is gonna go through the roof here.

So to forgo carbon monoxide poisoning, you’re going to have to open the window, make sure the pilot light stays lit. If you open the window you’re gonna get cold, and as cold air comes in to a warm place, the cold air will overtake the warm air because there’s more of it, and then you could die from that or you can at least get very cold and then freeze. And if you’ve gone outside like you shouldn’t have, your clothes are all wet, so you can’t put them on to stay warm. You’re essentially cooked here so you’ve gotta follow all of these instructions to the letter if you hope to survive the eight to 12 inches that the mayor says might accumulate on the streets of New York by tomorrow.


RUSH: In the state of Massachusetts, Governor Deval Patrick, has just — according to the reports that I have — banned all vehicle traffic from all roads as of four p.m. Friday. Now, I don’t know if that is for the entire state or just the area forecast to be destroyed by the blizzard or if it’s just for Boston. So far, it is flurries in Boston. There’s not a whole lot of accumulation yet, but the governor is taking no chances. Do not drive. You can’t drive.

Now, Tom Brady and his family have an exemption because of the Patriots, if he’s even there. He might even be gone now. But people like Brady have an exemption. He can drive. You can’t and nobody else can. You’re not supposed to be on the roads after four o’clock. But, nevertheless, some of you are gonna do this anyway. You’re going to go outside. I want to touch a little bit more on the threat of carbon monoxide poisoning.

This is a real threat during storms like this. What happens is, it gets very windy. Winds are expected to be very, very high. Gale force, in some cases hurricane force winds, are being forecast here. That could blow out pilot lights on your furnace, for example, or in your stove. (interruption) Well, when the pilot light goes out, the gas continues to flow, but you can’t hear it, and you might not smell it until it’s too late — and then if there’s a spark of anything, your house could explode and you could die.

Well, you obviously don’t want this to happen. So keep a sharp eye on the pilot lights going out, and then pay close attention to whether or not you’re getting drowsy ’cause that could mean that you’re falling asleep. But you wouldn’t actually be falling asleep. You could be succumbing to poisoning from carbon monoxide, which would cause you to open a window, which could maybe cause you to freeze because cold air would then be coming into your house.

So it’s a set of compromises here in order to stay alive the next three days.

Now, something else. Some people might decide — and I’m not suggesting this. In fact, I’m cautioning against this. Don’t shut off your gas because you fear the pilot light going out and CO2 poisoning and opening the window and freezing. Some people might think of maybe starting a fire in your house outside of the fireplace. Some people might, say, use a garbage can and put refuse in there and start a fire for heat. Don’t do that.

That would not be prudent or wise, because what’ll happen then if you start a fire in your garbage can — say, in the kitchen — that, too, will release CO2, and the main thing about that is it damages environment. If you put CO2 in your house because of the pilot lights going out, you are unwittingly contributing to global warming, which is causing all of this to begin with! So, if you’re not careful, if you don’t follow all these cautionary tips that I’m giving you, you could end up causing an increase in carbon monoxide out there and carbon dioxide, too.

You could die from either exposure to cold air coming through a window that you open because of your pilot light going out and your gas continues to flow. There could be a spark or something. Your house could blow up with you in it, which means that you would blow up, which means you would die. Now, to avoid all that, you might open a window to keep fresh air in there to sort of balance out the poisoned air.

In that case, you could freeze, and then you might think about lighting a fire in your trashcan. That would cause even more CO2, which would lead to more global warming, not to mention the fire risk of starting a fire in your trashcan. But it will be tempting, I know. It’s gonna be freezing, and you’ll be watching people on TV outside warning you about these various survival tips as well. So what you need to do, ladies and gentlemen, if you have to go outside in the snow to survive…

If that’s what happens, if you’ve got CO2 in your house, if you start a fire in your house or if a fire starts or if a part of your house explodes and you have… (laughing) If… (laughing) If you have to go outside, please… (laughing) I’m sorry to be laughing because these… (laughing) These are horrible circumstances. But it’s all very likely. To some of you this is gonna happen, you’re gonna die in the next three days. We’re trying to prevent that here with our never-ending ongoing survival tip campaign, the EIB Network.

If you have to go outside in the snow, please tell a friend or neighbor of your planned route in case you never return. Designate someone as your heir. If you decide to leave your home in the midst of this blizzard, if you defy all the tips and all the instructions — if you go outside for any reason and start walking around — make sure somebody knows your route, your planned route, and designate someone as your heir in case you are not found, in case you are lost forever.

At least designate an heir if you haven’t already done your will. In fact, if you haven’t done your will, you know, I’d put that at the top of the list today. I would. I would go online and do your will. Make that the first thing that you do before you go to the store and buy up all the batteries and the water: Designate an heir. Well, that’s whoever would inherit what you’ve got when you die. That’s when an heir is (it’s h-e-i-r) and that’s what I’m asking you to do.

Designate an heir and a planned route. Take your phone with you, GPS, and turn it on. Make sure that you can be found if you end up down the sewer from a snowdrift. You might also think about this. Now, this is gonna sound very strange, and I don’t hear anybody suggesting this. If you have a helmet in your house, put it on if you’re gonna leave the house. You could slip, ’cause will be icy out.

It’s gonna be slick. That’s what snow and sleet and ice does. It’s very slippery stuff. You could fall and land on your head, and if you’re not wearing a helmet…? Oh, my God. Oh, I don’t want to ponder that. But if you’re wearing a helmet, you at least have a chance. You might only get a concussion, in which case you might be able to join the class-action suit against the NFL. You never know. It’s something to consider.


RUSH: It is the entire state of Massachusetts, every road shut down as of four o’clock this afternoon by Governor Patrick. No cars on any road in the entire state of Massachusetts as of four o’clock this afternoon. In addition, 6,000 flights have been canceled at a number of the nation’s airports. So you can’t even escape that way. If you haven’t gotten out of there, you are stuck, and some of you are going to die, unless you listen carefully and follow every tip that we are giving.

In Connecticut, state officials are warning residents to stay home. But for those who aren’t gonna stay home and who have to report to work, the governor is urging people to try to leave as early as possible before it’s too late. Because there is a point of no return, and if you wait until it’s too late, it could really be too late. So make sure you leave early and give yourself plenty of time. There’s gonna be a lot of traffic because that’s what happens with snow.

Even though nobody’s going to be outside, there will still be a lot of traffic, and it will be very, very slow going because it’s slippery and sliding, and that’s where the driving tips that we gave you in the first hour will come in very handy. Pump your brakes; turn into the skid. Make sure that your defroster on the windshield is working — that and your defogger for the rearview mirror and the back window. (interruption)

That’s not important today. Snerdley asked, “How did the pioneers survive in this kind of weather?” They ate each other! I mean, they ate each other. (interruption) They freaking ate each other, Snerdley! That’s what I’m trying to tell you. That’s what the Donner Party lesson is. That’s how they survived it. The Native Americans and so forth, they had tepees. They’d stuff leaves around the bottom to keep the wind out. There were all kinds of tricks. We don’t have people who will rake leaves today.

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