RUSH: Marty in Sanford, Florida, you’re next on Open Line Friday. Hello, sir.
CALLER: How are you today, Rush?
RUSH: I’m great. I’m glad you called, sir. Thank you.
CALLER: Hey, the reason I’m calling is my daughter is a first-year cadet at West Point. She’s a plebe. Part of their responsibilities each year, the first-year cadets at their Christmas dinner — which is for all the cadets when they gather in their lunch hall or the meal hall at the end of the day — is the plebes have to provide cigars to their entire company. Now, unfortunately, I know nothing about cigars.
RUSH: How many?
CALLER: My daughter knows nothing about cigars. My wife knows nothing.
RUSH: Don’t worry, I do.
CALLER: And you’re the man.
RUSH: How many cigars is she gonna have to provide?
CALLER: Well, of course, the company is over a hundred. But her table alone is 10 cadets.
RUSH: Okay so she’d just have to provide them for one table?
CALLER: Well, technically more than that, you know, like a box of something, just to make sure everybody can smoke two. (chuckles) You know?
RUSH: I need a number. Are you looking at 25, 50, 100? Give me a ballpark number.
CALLER: A hundred. That would cover the whole company.
RUSH: A hundred.
CALLER: Beast Company. Bravo! Bravo Company. The Beast.
RUSH: Bravo Company.
CALLER: I’m sorry, the Barbarians.
RUSH: Right. Right. I know Bravo Company. Cool. Your daughter is a cadet at West Point?
CALLER: Rush, she’s the youngest cadet at West Point. She’s only 17-1/2.
RUSH: You have gotta be so proud, you can’t control it, I bet.
CALLER: Can’t you hear it in my voice? This girl… This girl is light-years ahead of where she should be. She is so… You know what? I’m gonna tell you, she’s just like her mother.
RUSH: Well, that’s pretty impressive.
CALLER: Yeah, she’s something.
RUSH: This is pretty impressive. I’ll tell you what, here. You need a hundred cigars. How about if I send you a hundred cigars, an assortment of stuff from my own collection? You don’t have to tell them.
CALLER: You don’t have to do that.
RUSH: No, no. You don’t have to tell anyone. She doesn’t have to tell anybody where they came from. They’re from her. I’ll send you some. A hundred cigars is gonna cost a lot of money.
CALLER: It’d be grateful. That’s crazy.
RUSH: No, I know it is, but I’ve got ’em. I collect ’em. I love giving ’em away to people that really enjoy ’em, and I could think of no better place than West Point!
RUSH: I am ecstatic that they still permit it. I’d be honored for my sticks to be part of the ceremony!
CALLER: It’s a huge event. She says the Common is covered in smoke. She says it’s a haze at this dinner.
RUSH: Man, I would pay to be there just to breathe it in.
RUSH: I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll send an assortment of things. When do you need ’em?
CALLER: As soon as possible, because it’s before Christmas.
RUSH: Okay. So if I get ’em out Monday or Tuesday next week, that’d be okay?
RUSH: Okay. So what I need you to do is hang on so that we can get an address. We’ll FedEx these things to you.
RUSH: Now, you be sure and tell her they don’t… This from her. This does not have to come from me. I don’t care that anybody knows that. That’s not the point. As far as anybody knows, she got ’em. Which she did. I mean, you’re procuring them for her. You admittedly don’t know anything about it, and you don’t want to give away junk.
CALLER: No. No. No. And, I’m telling you, the cadets, this is a big event for them. This is a huge social event for them.
RUSH: Oh, I can imagine. Gosh, what a long-lost tradition. You can’t do this anywhere anymore.
CALLER: No, and you know what? It brings the cadets together. This is when they form their camaraderie.
CALLER: This brings them into the fold.
RUSH: Absolutely. I would be honored to provide these things. So I want you hang on here, and we’ll… (interruption) Well, my staff is asking for a picture, and I don’t know if that’s improper. I don’t know if we’re not allowed to see pictures of this event, but it’s enough to know that we’re able to make this happen here.
CALLER: Rush, if I can weasel a picture out of her, I will do it.
RUSH: All right. But I don’t want… Look, that’s probably a closed event, and it’s the Army.
RUSH: You know, these are close-to-the-vest things. So don’t bust a bun on that. Hang on here so Snerdley gets your address so we can send this. It’s gotta be a FedEx address so we get this to you overnight. I’ll put it together over the weekend and try to ship it out to you on Monday. So don’t hang up, Marty. Sanford, Florida. That’s not far. We can hire a Wells Fargo stagecoach to take it up there if we have to.