RUSH: Ladies and gentlemen, the jobs summit. I was thinking the White House needs a job summit to follow through on Marie Harf. Yeah, the ISIS job summit. I mean, what a great foreign policy breakthrough that could be. Here you have your number two spokesbabe at the State Department out there saying there’s no way we can beat ’em. We can’t kill ’em all. We can’t kill enough of ’em to win. They’re just gonna be popping up all over the place. What we need to do is find ’em gigs. We need to find ’em jobs.
Never mind the fact that there are 92 and a half million Americans that can’t find work. Never mind this Regime hasn’t the slightest idea how to find or build domestic employment, here comes Marie Harf. And I was thinking, maybe there are a lot of people they could help. First thing to do is a White House jobs summit. They’re doing this three day shindig and they’re calling it Countering Violent Extremism summit. Why not just turn it into another jobs summit?
I mean, Marie Harf and Obama think getting ISIS people jobs is the best way to counter extremism. Maybe, in addition to doing that, you could bring in the Chamber of Commerce. Maybe bring in the Chamber of Commerce as a weapon of mass destruction against ISIS. I mean, the Chamber of Commerce, vast networking and fundraising ability to recruit all sorts of franchisable businesses. You could have the Chamber working with the State Department to teach ISIS how to set up Starbucks, McDonald’s, Subway, Chick-fil-A, Uber, Domino’s, AutoZone, even Walmart could be all funded, and look what we could do.
We could establish American economic beachheads right in the middle of the ISIS encampments using Obama’s White House jobs summit and the Chamber of Commerce to help get it done, all based on Marie Harf’s contention that all we need to do to defeat ISIS is get them jobs. And then after they get the jobs, after they have their own Starbucks and their own McDonald’s and Subway and Chick-fil-A, we’d have to overcome the dietary incompatibilities, but Obama and the Chamber can help with this. Maybe bring some Republican political consultants in who are experts at working with the Chamber and iron out some of these differences.
With all the jobs that would be created with the Chamber and with the White House ISIS jobs summit, I am sure, I am confident that the zeal, the religious zeal ISIS has to kill Christians and Jews will be quenched. With all those jobs, that’s what Marie Harf is saying, they won’t have any desire anymore to go kill people because they will have jobs. They will have their own robust economy. And then Obama can claim he did more to spread America into the Middle East, American values, than Bush did. Can you see ISIS run McDonald’s?
I know I’m gonna get e-mails. “Rush, how can you joke about this?” I’m just following the lead. None of this is my idea. It’s a natural logical progression. If you’re gonna have the number two in the State Department literally double down on this claim. She says on television Monday night: We can’t kill them. We can’t beat them. That’s old-fashioned thinking. There’s no war in the traditional sense that’s gonna beat ISIS. We need to get ’em jobs.
Okay. Well, I’m here to help. How we gonna do that? Then people say, “You know, Marie, that’s really asinine. That is really, really ignorant. It’s embarrassing that anybody in the administration has that idea.”
She then doubles down on it. (imitating Harf) “Well, you didn’t get my nuance. You didn’t understand exactly how detailed and brilliant my proposal was.”
Okay. Well, I’m just trying to understand it here. So let’s follow it up. If we’re gonna get ISIS jobs, how we gonna do it? What kind of jobs? What kind of jobs are there in the Middle East? There aren’t any. We’re gonna need the help of the Chamber. Don’t get on my case, folks. What I do here is illustrate absurdity by being absurd, and this is absurd. I know some of you might think this is insensitive, but don’t blame me for it, because this is just the natural progression of thinking if you want to accept what Marie Harf and this Regime believe. And, by the way, it’s not just the Regime. Richard Stengel, guy that used to run TIME Magazine, he’s joined Marie Harf in this. The only reason that ISIS has membership is because they can’t find jobs.
Okay, fine. We need to find them jobs. How do we do that? They have to be entry-level. Look, we could even implement the minimum wage argument. What better way to corrupt ISIS than to export American liberalism into it? That was once my idea with the ChiComs. You know, can you imagine the ChiComs having to deal with militant feminism? Can you imagine the ChiComs having to deal with militant environmentalist wackos? So let’s export liberalism to these places and corrupt them just like they’ve been corrupted here. This is just the natural extension. You can tell me I’m being insensitive and so forth but I’m just doing comedy, folks, as news. I mean, don’t complain.
RUSH: Jobs summit for ISIS makes perfect sense to me. ISIS seems to be well prepared with all kinds of shovel-ready jobs, wouldn’t you think? The Barack Obama administration started out in 2008: We needed to have a stimulus to the economy. Nearly a trillion dollars. Why? Well, because shovel-ready jobs, we had all kinds of things that we had to rebuild out there. Marie Harf, State Department, Monday, need to get ISIS jobs. Can’t kill them. They keep popping up. We cannot win this war in a traditional sense by killing the enemy. We gotta get to the root cause, and that means poverty and unemployment. We need to find them jobs. I’m trying to help.
Chamber of Commerce can come in, teach ’em about franchising, could even become Republican donors if you do this right. Make ’em part of the Republican donor class, get the Chamber of Commerce involved. And of course you could argue that killing off ISIS, I mean, one of two ways. Killing off ISIS would be a great work project in itself, shovel-ready jobs, or ISIS obviously has a lot of shovel-ready jobs. I realize this may be insensitive to some of you, but remember, this is just fake news. Or, no. This is real news delivered with comedy. Except when conservatives do it, it’s not permitted. It’s considered insensitive. When liberals do it, it wins awards and kudos.