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RUSH: Obama last night, in his State of Obama speech… I mean, we could go through it. We’ve even got a condensed version here. “White comedian Paul Shanklin” has put together a condensed version.  In fact, grab part one of that.  We’ve got two parts. But did you see the most ridiculous aspect of it? It’s difficult to pick one. When Obama said that the most disappointing thing of all the past seven years is that he was not able to create this post-partisan existence in America.

In other words, he was not able to fix the partisan divide, and he’s so disappointed! He was so really bummed by that because it’s one of the things he really, really wanted to do was to end partisanship in America. He’s the cause! He is the reason for the division! He is the reason for the exacerbated partisanship. Anyway, here is Paul Shanklin, noted “white comedian,” and the first half of the condensed version of the State of Obama address last night.

ANNOUNCER: Now the honest, condensed version of the president’s State of the Union speech.


WHITE COMEDIAN PAUL SHANKLIN AS OBAMA: My fellow Americans, tonight marks the eighth year I’ve come to report the state of our union. I want to make it a lot shorter, so I’m going to focus mainly on my accomplishments. I don’t want to talk about next year because it looks like things are getting pretty bad out there. So I want to talk about the next five or 100 years and beyond, long after anybody remembers that this mess was my fault. Now, there are those who have told us to fear the future, but it was in that spirit of change, panic, and uncertainty that we’ve made progress in the last seven years.

Delaying the recovery, screwing up the health care system, and investing in my friends’ green energy companies that went nowhere. And that’s how we created less care and benefits for our troops waiting outside the VA for help. That’s how we secured the freedom in every state to marry the person we love who looks like a woman dressed like a man dressed like a woman. So there are four big questions we still have to answer: How do we give everybody a fair shot at opportunity and security in this new slow-ass economy, ’cause I still don’t know how.

Second, how do we make technology work for us and not against us, especially when it comes to solving climate change? Does NASA really have a weather machine or not? Third, how do we keep America safe and lead the world without actually doing anything? And, how can we make our politics only reflect what’s best in us and what’s worst in Republicans? The reason a lot of people feel anxious is the economy has been changing in profound ways, changes that started long before I got here. I’m talking about technology.

Technology is the bad guy here, not me. So we really need to provide pre-K for all, including my vice president, who I just put in charge of curing cancer. I believe a thriving private sector is the lifeblood of our economy, but we can’t let things get out of hand. Food stamp recipients did not cause the financial crisis. (Yes, they did. The government did.) And illegal immigrants aren’t the only reason wages haven’t gone up, but they are the main reason.

RUSH: That’s the first half of the condensed version. This curing cancer business? It was a lift from the West Wing TV show, pretty close to verbatim. But in addition to that, Obama promised to cure cancer in his State of the Union address in 2009, 2010, and last year, which is why last night he said, “Once and for all,” and then whatever chance we had at curing cancer was blown to smithereens when he put Joe Biden in charge of it. It was history. So… But it was… I don’t know, folks.

It was lies and distortions about how great the economy is and job creation. It’s just blatant, but it was hard to get too excited about it his last year, except that it isn’t. That’s the dirty little secret. It’s his last year in office, but it’s not his last year by a long shot in trying to control the events of the future in this country.

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