Rush Limbaugh

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RUSH: This is really bad news. In the last few days, hundreds of precious sea turtles have washed up on southwest Florida beaches. They didn’t wash up alive.

According to turtle researcher Kelly Sloan, many of the washed up turtles are mature adults — and that is really bad, because only one-in-a-thousand turtles ever makes it to adulthood. It takes loggerhead turtles 25 to 30 years to mature. They’re already a protected species, so this many washed up turtles could really hurt the sustainability of turtle-dom.

But there’s a small comfort. For once, this horrible disaster isn’t man’s fault. Mother Nature is killing her own. Scientists say the west coast of Florida, from Tampa to Key West, is having the worst red-tide bloom since 2006. The culprit killing hundreds of adult sea turtles is algae.

But here on the east coast of Florida — where I am — all is cool, all is safe. So, all you smart, adult turtles (and I know you’re listening) save yourselves! Swim to the east coast! Why, we’ll leave the light on for you!

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