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Who Knew? I'm All Over the SONY Hack

RUSH: It turns out that I am all over this leak because J.J. Abrams, any number of producers, directors, that are participating with the Democrats in fundraising are using my name in their fundraising e-mails and misquotes of supposed insults that I have come out with over the years and so forth. 

Yuck-O! Michelle's Mystery Lunch

RUSH: Honestly, folks, it looks like one half of a fish.  It looks like I can see the scales or the bones there, with the head still on it and a dark brown something or other on top of it, like an oat bran roll or something.

The Contraception Mandate Loses Again

RUSH: It's one of these things, when you hear about it, you say hallelujah.  It's one of those small pockets, small areas, where the Regime is being beaten back on a consistent basis.  Now, as I say, the Regime keeps coming back, they keep challenging this.  But they keep losing. 

Your Host in the News

RUSH: When I do it, it becomes a DEFCON 5.  Limbaugh has insulted X, DEFCON 5 and it's two days worth of media. Dingy Harry can lie about Mitt Romney not paying his taxes...

We Really Should Thank Smokers

RUSH: My theory is that tobacco purchasers deserve medals. People that buy tobacco and use tobacco products deserve everybody's thanks because the tax revenue from that product is funding health care programs for children, and yet smokers are derided and they're ripped and they're impugned and they're criticized.

Sessions vs. Jeb on Loretta Lynch

RUSH: Now, I side totally with Senator Sessions on this.  He is right on the money on this -- and well spoken and brilliant on it, and yet over here is Jeb Bush.  Why would Jeb Bush say this?  I think the answer isn't complicated.  

Mrs. Clinton Just Can't Pull It Off

RUSH: She supposedly has the best and brightest the Democrat Party has to offer, from consultants, to marketers, to tech people, to strategists, to planners -- and she still can't pull it off.  And by not being able to pull it off, what I mean is, everybody has discovered that it's fake. One of the reasons they discovered it was fake is because it looked fake, and she looked fake.  It didn't look real because it wasn't real.  The Clintons just can't do real because everything they do is structured and acted and performed. 

Dems Drive Their Base Literally Insane

RUSH: Are you kidding me?  You get all worked up over the Supreme Court decision, Citizens United? Had it not been for the Drive-By Media and the Democrat Party lying about that, raising hell about it, this postal worker wouldn't have had the slightest idea what the decision was about. He may not have even remembered it, knew what it was, or cared.  Exactly what I mean by the Democrat Party driving their base literally insane.  

Hillary Did Not Leave a Tip at Chipotle

originalRUSH:  Now, why did Bloomberg go investigate this?  Bloomberg hoped to learn that she had so that they could write a story of how unfair and mean, biased, and prejudiced I am.  And it backfired on 'em.  I am convinced they went in there trying to find a defense for her.

Times Frets: Health Care Not a Right?

RUSH: This New York Times piece said they're worried that people are losing faith in the whole philosophy behind the redistribution of wealth.  It's interesting, but it isn't gonna stop 'em.  It's just gonna make 'em angrier.  "Oh, you don't believe what we believe, huh?  Well, you like tax increases?  Here, take that."  Democrats do not react kindly to people who do not support them.  And public opinion, necessary evil.  If they can find a way to ignore it, they damn well will.

Caller Takes Us Back to 1994

CALLER: I have an apology to make.  When I first heard you, I was a little aghast at how you were responding to a presidential candidate's wife, and you were a hundred percent correct... That same president's wife was in Seattle to start her national bus tour, I believe it was 1994.

Apple's Watch Problem

RUSH: I think it's kind of weird.  Apple gives a watch to a 70-year-old guy that doesn't even know how to use it, while you can't get yours until June or July?  Who cares about Karl Lagerfeld?

GOP Confidence Is Rising

RUSH: We have a montage here of Republican and conservative media. We got Reince Priebus. We've got Senator Graham, Dr. Krauthammer, David Brooks, Mary Matalin, and they're speaking in ways of Hillary that they really haven't before.  I mean, up 'til now Hillary's been invincible.  This is one of the things that's, frankly, always bothered me.  I run into Republicans scared to death of her. 

Hillary's Goal: A One-Party America

RUSH:  Hillary's goal is to raise two and a half billion dollars just for her campaign, and this woman's running around saying one of the four pillars of her campaign is to clean up the money in campaign finance. I'll tell you what this means, folks.  You're fortunate to have me here to be able to translate this gobbledygook for you because here's what that means... 

Millennials Know Nothing About Hillary

RUSH: They don't know about the bimbo eruptions. They don't know about Hillarycare. They don't know about that miserably failed bus tour. They don't know anything about Whitewater. They don't know anything about the Vince Foster situation. They don't know anything about the FBI files. They know nothing...  Benghazi was right next to the question, "Is Hillary Clinton vegan?"  That's how unimportant Benghazi is to the Millennials. 

What I Heard About Harry Reid

RUSH: I got an e-mail from John Hinderaker at Power Line, and he said that he had been in contact with somebody in Las Vegas who claimed to know what happened to Harry Reid, and that this man wanted to tell the story to both Hinderaker and me, on the phone.  I was asked if I would join a phone call and listen to the story, and I said, "Sure, but I'm not committing to using any of it. I'm making no commitments about anything."

CEO Buys Short-Term Love

RUSH: Dan Price is the founder of a company called Gravity Payments in Seattle.  He has 120 employees and he has decided he's gonna raise the minimum wage at his company to $70,000.  He's going to slash his own salary to $70,000...  He's not tying it to performance. He's not tying it to sales.  This is pure, unadulterated socialism, which has never worked. 

The Drive-Bys Won't Turn on Mrs. Clinton

RUSH: Snerdley walks up to me, says, "You know, this Hillary stuff, I know you're bored by it, and I love the way you're playing it, ignoring her and all that kind of stuff. But I gotta tell you, I'm seeing more negative coverage of Hillary. It wasn't like this the first time. It wasn't like this in 2008." And I looked at him, and I said, "We keep looking in all the wrong places for evidence that Mrs. Clinton is vulnerable, all the wrong places."  

Happy Tax Day, America

RUSH: If you owe money because you don't have an insurance policy as mandated by Obamacare, it's their job to get the money from you.  And they're gonna take it out of your refund if they have to. 

Rubio: Serious Man, Powerful Message

RUSH: Marco Rubio is a serious man, he has a serious message, and he has a very unmistakable joy in spreading that message, in informing people. He knows how to deliver it.  He knows how to deliver it live.  He doesn't have to announce on Twitter.  He doesn't have to announce with a series of posts on social media.  He can do it live in front of real people with a real camera... The one thing about Rubio, whether you disagree with him on what he did with amnesty and then walked it back or not, he does not have a likability problem.  He is instantly likable.  He's motivational.  He's inspirational in a Reaganesque way.

Did Hillary and Huma Tip at Chipotle?

RUSH: I would like to know if she left anything in the tip jar, because that would be an indication that she understands the average, ordinary, everyman that she seeks to represent.  I mean, that's where the people that work at Chipotle, that's where they make a little extra, in the tip jar.  

There Must Be a Better Way for Republicans to Deal with the Media

originalRUSH: When Good Morning America calls you, understand it's not Good Morning America, it's the Hillary Clinton campaign calling you because George Stephanopoulos is at Good Morning America and where he really works is the Hillary campaign, or the Bill Clinton war room. You would no more accept invitation to be interviewed by Hillary Clinton's campaign consultant, so why would you accept an invitation to be interviewed by Hillary's campaign consultant disguised as an anchor on Good Morning America?

Callers Have Their Say on Rubio

RUSH: It's fine if you don't want to vote for him 'cause you think he betrayed his integrity and honesty by sidling up with the leadership on immigration and making a mistake on it, now trying to walk it back. If you want to say you don't believe he's serious, that he just realizes he made a mistake and he's just pandering to you, think that.  But he's not anybody's plant. I mean, he's not anybody's puppet doing this.

Millennials Haven't Experienced Conservatism

RUSH: Some people would think, probably do think that conservatism is telling people to grow up. And the liberals say, "You don't have to grow up.  We will take care of you.  You'll be our children.  We will treat you as our children and we will take care of you." 

Congratulations to Jordan Spieth and Augusta National

RUSH: I just want to extend my congratulations to 21-year-old Jordan Spieth, who won the Masters yesterday and set numerous records in the process.  He has a mental toughness and commitment that is extraordinary... At the same time, I want to congratulate Augusta National.  They have their traditions.  They modernize some of them and they evolve, on their timetable.  They've been pressured to be who they aren't for a long time, and they hang tough.

Thomas Friedman and Raul Castro Agree: Barack Obama Is So Brilliant, He Sees America the Way America's Enemies Do

RUSH: Here comes Thomas Friedman saying Obama's so brilliant he can see America from Iran's perspective.... If he can see it from Iran's perspective, he can see it from Putin's, and he can see it from Raul Castro's, and Raul Castro just over the weekend ripped the United States to shreds again, as you would expect him to do, but he exempted Obama.  Oh, yes, Obama's had nothing to do with the bad America.  So we know what this means.  Obama, like Iran, like the Castros, he sees America's flaws, he understands and agrees with the way these are seen.

I Don't Care About Hillary's Campaign!

RUSH: In fact, it's more than I don't care.  I angrily, actively don't care about Mrs. Clinton and her presidential announcement and her campaign and everything associated.  I don't care what the media is saying about it.  I don't care who's excited.  I don't care a whit about it.  To me, Mrs. Clinton running for president is a microcosm of everything that's been wrong in this country since the mid-nineties coming back to life and trying to be reborn and reconstitute all of that negativism and continue the batch of it that we're currently living through. 

Millennials Must Be Taught About the Hillary Clinton of the 1990s

RUSH: It's gonna be up to the Republican candidates to get that story out. It's gonna be up to the Republican candidates to tell everybody who doesn't know who Hillary Clinton is.  She's not the Hillary Clinton of the Obama years.  She's the Hillary Clinton of the Clinton years, and people in the Millennial age-group simply don't know.  They weren't alive or they weren't old enough to remember.

ISIS Is Hiring

RUSH: Number one on the list of available openings at ISIS is press officer.  They need a spokesman, and they're actively looking for a spokesman.  They have the job posting on various Internet sites.  They have a media center.  Folks, I'm not making any of this up.  

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