“The painter and poet Dante Gabriel Rossetti said, ‘The worst moment for the atheist is when he’s really thankful and has no one to thank.'”
“I saw a picture of the woman who claims she was fired because she’s too hot. Well, I mean, to each his own. You know, there are people who think that the guy in the bowling alley in the two-tone green leisure suit looks good.”
“You know, just to show you how screwed up I’ve been… over the last 12 hours, I’ve been thinking about Janet Reno. Yeah. I know.”
“How did the Native Americans prosper in this country without OSHA making sure the work environment was safe?”
“I might have been a little unkind to Congressman Charlie Rangel in reporting on his heartwarming Thanksgiving story earlier.I want to give him credit: at least he gave the turkeys out instead of keeping them for himself.”
“People have been going to bus stations for pat-downs — same sex or otherwise — since there have been buses.”
“The true story of Thanksgiving is that socialism failed. Only when we turned capitalist did we have plenty, and the Indians didn’t teach us capitalism.”
“Apparently the audience is fleeing the program in droves today, so before all of you are gone for one reason or another, let’s talk about golf and then football.”
“I got an e-mail. ‘Dear Rush: It occurred to me this Monday when you came back that you did not thank Mark Steyn for hosting for you. As a matter of fact, I can’t ever remember you ever thanking anybody who subs for you. You’re a better person than that.'”
“William Shatner once asked me, ‘How do you know?’ I said, ‘Because I do. It’s my job to know.'”
