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Rush's Morning Update: Breakthrough!

We may be on the verge of the most incredible scientific breakthrough in our lives. Scientists have developed new underwater translation software – that could allow the human race to understand the dolphin race … and to speak to them in their native chirp.

The new project is the brainchild of the founder of the Wild Dolphin Project, Denise Herzing – and Thad Starner, artificial intelligence researcher at Atlanta’s Georgia Institute of Technology. Their ultimate goal is to “co-create” a mutual language – so communication with the dolphins isn’t a one-way street. Right now, dolphins can learn about 100 human words – they even know the subtle difference between commands such as “bring the surfboard to the man,” and “bring the man to the surfboard.” But with this new “dolphin-friendly” co-language – we can, supposedly, learn what dolphins know.

The dolphins can tell us how they keep health-care costs down without Obamacare; how they avoid trillion-dollar deficits; and, most of all, why they give the finger of friendship to some humans … while snubbing others.

Of course, understanding what dolphins say could have drawbacks. For instance, suppose we learn Flipper was really complaining about his residuals for his acting work. Or this: A few years back – I did an update about a woman who “married” a dolphin. If that dolphin can understand her, and realize she’s a nag … well – end of that happy marriage.

But, all in all, this is great news. At least until the dolphins leak the location of Osama’s grave!


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