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EIB WEB PAGE DISGRONIFIER

EIB Low-Information News Roundup

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: We might as well move now into our low-information voter segment.  We're gonna start with Al Joker... Al Roker, I'm sorry.  He was on NBC's Dateline on Sunday night during a report about his gastric bypass surgery.  You know, Al Joker used to be a big guy.  Speaking of gastric bypass surgery, if I may take a brief departure, you know who else had that was Rex Ryan, the coach of the Jets. What he actually had was a lap band put in there.  What you can do with a lap band, from what I understand, he went to the hospital for special surgery in New York, and he had this lap band put in there.  Well, apparently you can adjust it.  There's a screw outside your stomach and your skin that you can expand your stomach or contract it.  So you can defeat the purpose. 

They don't actually take any of your stomach out; they just put a band around it so it gets smaller and fills up faster.  But you can change that.  So when Rex did his the first six months there wasn't much of a change.  So people figured Rex was playing with the screw.  But after that, Rex lost a lot of weight.  And commensurate with his weight loss has been the failing fortunes of the Jets.  As Rex has lost weight, the Jets have played more poorly. 

Now, I don't know if you know this or not.  I'm sure many of you probably do.  The NFL has a tradition. After the last game of the season, whenever it is, the coach and the general manager do a press conference.  They meet with the press, they explain what went wrong, what they're gonna do to improve next year, any hirings, firings, player changes, and then they're off for a while.  Well, Rex didn't do that.  Rex, instead, went to Paradise Island over in the Bahamas.  There's a couple of resorts over there.  There is Atlantis.  There's Atlantis Cove, which is a more exclusive place, don't really have a lot of kids. 

You ever been to Atlantis?  Atlantis is like a cruise ship that never leaves.  But it's great if you got family, kids.  It's fabulous.  They have a magnificent walk-through aquarium that's got incredible things, a great water slide. It's a Mayan temple, in fact.  Restaurants galore. They even have a casino.  Then they have a place called the Ocean Club, which is Villas and suites, and it's purely adult. It's part of the complex but you have to take a car to get there over to Atlantis.

And then they have Atlantis Cove, and that's where Rex went.  And because Rex blew off the media in New York, you don't do that.  By not doing the post-season conference, the media followed Rex to the Bahamas to harass him, as in paparazzi.  You know what they found?  Rex and his wife, who it's already been discovered have a toe fetish, or a foot fetish -- that came out earlier, a couple seasons ago.  They had long lens cameras down there at the Atlantis Cove and they found that on his right bicep Rex has a tattoo.  The tattoo is of his wife wearing a Mark Sanchez number 6 Jets jersey. 

So the pictures of Rex Ryan's tattoo were all over the New York media and then all over the sports media and then of course everybody in the sports media started making fun of Rex.  They started laughing at Rex, and talking about, "Well, no wonder he sticks with Sanchez," who did not have a good season. He's got his wife tattooed on his bicep wearing a Sanchez jersey, and wherever Rex went, there were the cameras.  If he was in the water, if he was on a beach, if he was in a lounge chair reading a book next to his wife, the pictures were everywhere. 

It was fascinating to me because Rex used to be loved by the New York media because he was good copy.  But then the Jets started losing, and things started falling apart and he started losing weight at the same time and everything sort of shrunk and got smaller.  So Rex went back to work today, and they did the press conference today that they were supposed to do at the end of the season, and of course somebody asked Rex about the tat. Rex said, "If Sanchez doesn't play better, I'm gonna go get that number changed," on his tattoo of his wife wearing the Sanchez jersey.  That's only because we have a story here about Al Roker and gastric bypass surgery.  But I just was reminded that Rex had that, too.  And I wanted to get the news in about Rex, since it's the low-information voter segment.  Here's Al Roker talking about his gastric bypass surgery with the chief medical correspondent for NBC, Dr. Nancy Snyderman, Sunday night on NBC's Dateline.

ROKER:  When you have a bypass and, you know, your bowel's been reconstructed, you think you're pretty safe. And I probably went off and ate something I wasn't supposed to, and as I'm walking to the pressroom, I gotta pass a little gas here.  I'm walking by myself, "Who's gonna know?" only a little something extra came out.

SNYDERMAN:  You pooped in your pants?

ROKER:  I pooped in my pants. Not horribly, but enough that I knew --

SNYDERMAN:  Which is a common side effect of this surgery.

ROKER:  Exactly.  And so, you know, I was panicking. So I got to the restroom in the pressroom, threw out the underwear, you know, and just went commando.

SNYDERMAN:  And what did that tell you?

ROKER:  It told me that I've gotta be very vigilant as to what I eat.

RUSH:  Man, oh, man.  There's Al Roker admitting on Sunday night's NBC Dateline that he pooped his pants in the White House -- in great detail, I might add. Al Roker was explaining how flatulence became solids and he had to find the bathroom in the press office in the White House because he'd pooped his pants and had to throw the underwear out. Then Nancy Snyderman, chief medical correspondent, showing great concern, said, "What did that tell you, Al?"

Al responded with appropriate solemnity, "I've gotta be very vigilant as to what I eat." A great lesson has been learned, and America is all the better for it, thanks to the courage of Al Roker admitting that he ate something he knew he shouldn't have eaten having had gastric bypass -- which led to flatulence becoming solids, which led to pooping in his pants in the White House. 

Now other... (interruption) No, don't laugh. The staff is laughing.  They're missing the whole point.  Now Americans know that if they get gastric bypass surgery they have to be vigilant on what they eat.  Al Roker has taught Americans a valuable lesson about how not to poop in their pants.  What a courageous guy!  I mean, it's not often you get stories like this, folks. 

The American people I am sure are grateful for having learned this important lesson.  And we're happy here to pass it along and do what little part we can to help further the education the American people by sharing Al's courageous story about pooping in his pants in the White House after he ate the wrong thing. I mean, it was his fault. He was not vigilant about what he should eat.

Moving on, the mayor of Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa...  By the way, that name is a name made by combining his ex-wife's last name and his. He was named "Villar" and she was named "Raigosa," and they combined them without a hyphen and name became Villaraigosa.  They have since divorced and he kept the name.  I once met him at a restaurant in New York.  It's where I met Bill Clinton. 

At any rate, this was Sunday morning in Los Angeles. KNBC, Eyeball News Channel 4's news conference, and the host was Conan Nolan interviewing Antonio Villaraigosa.  Conan Nolan said, "You were in the news because of a photograph that actor, Charlie Sheen, tweeted you are arm in arm in Cabo San Lucas, apparently at the opening of a new bar that he has there." He was arm in arm there with a porn star.

VILLARAIGOSA:  The opening of a hotel.  He has a bar, and it was a... I had a three-minute conversation; I took a picture with him.  I'm in the-picture taking business.  I take a picture, uh, virtually every single day 50 times, and I took a picture with him.

NOLAN:  But you know the ramifications of this.

VILLARAIGOSA:  No! You know what?  I have never said "no" to anyone who wanted to take a picture.

RUSH:  So the mayor of Los Angeles with a very gutsy, in-your-face answer, "I'm not ashamed of posing for pictures. I do it 50 times a day, Nolan.  You're not gonna give me grief about ending up with Charlie Sheen and porn stars. I take pictures every day." Nolan said (you heard him), "But you know the ramifications of" posing with a porn star. "No!  I have never said no to anybody wanted to take a picture. I'm in the picture taking business." That's mayor of Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa. 

What a guy! 

We now move on to NPR's Fresh Air.  The host, Terry Gross, interviewing Hollywood director Quentin Tarantino.  He did the movie Django Jnchanged.  She said, "So here's something I was wondering. I know there's so much, like, you know, African-American popular culture that you really love. And I was wondering when you were growing up if you grew up in an integrated neighborhood, if you went to an integrated school, if you had African-American friends or if your contact with black people was largely through popular culture." Did you know them or not?

TARANTINO:  Just the kind of United Nations aspect that, ummm, my mom's house was in the early seventies, right at the explosion of black culture.  So black culture is my culture growing up.  She was in her twenties; she was hot, all right? Uh, she was a hot white girl.  Her best friend was named Jackie.  She was a hot black girl! And her other best friend was Lillian, and she was a hot Mexican girl.  And they lived, uhhh, in this, like, swinging-singles apartment with me.  It was the seventies, so it was... You know, I -- I -- I lived with thee three hip ladies all going out on dates all the time and dating football players and basketball players. (snickers) My mom dated Wilt Chamberlain.

RUSH:  And there you have it, folks.  There you have it.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH:  We didn't even have to go TMZ to get that Quentin Tarantino news, folks. It was right there on NPR that his mom slept with Wilt "The Stilt" Chamber.  Well, we don't know for sure, but we think that everybody Wilt "dated" he slept with.  That's the image he left, so we have to assume.  So that's where Quentin Tarantino learned the black culture.  That's where he became down for the struggle.  His mom and the other two women in his house were dating all these characters.  So he's now got credibility and is a hero with the low-information voter. 

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH:  By the way, folks, an update on the Antonio Villaraigosa story.  Charlie Sheen has told TMZ that the mayor is lying when he said he was only with Charlie for three or four minutes.  Charlie Sheen says that Mayor Villaraigosa partied with him for hours.  From the article at TMZ: "Charlie Sheen is calling out LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa ... claiming he was flat-out LYING [sic] when he said he spent ONLY 3 minutes with the actor in Cabo -- Charlie says the mayor hung with him for hours, chatting it up and drinking with a bunch of hot chicks."

So here we now find ourselves in the middle of a feud. (interruption) Why wouldn't the mayor just admit to it? "He's a single guy. Why wouldn't he just admit to it?"  Good question.  Why? If he can admit being there for three minutes, why not admit three hours?  Charlie Sheen's a cool guy.  He's a party animal.  He knows how to do it right.  What's wrong with hanging out with Charlie if you're the mayor of LA? 

By the way, ladies and gentlemen, also some news here. Oprah's network, Oxygen, is pulling out all the stops.  From the UK Daily Mail: "Trailer Pulled for Reality Show Starring Rapper who Fathered ELEVEN Children by TEN Women," and it's not Antonio Cromartie of the Jets.  It's a rapper.  "Trailer Pulled for Reality Show Starring Rapper who Fathered ELEVEN Children by TEN Women." 

All My Babies' Mamas is the name of the show.  It's "set to air this spring on the Oxygen network, follows Carlos 'Shawty Lo' Walker, 36, as he navigates family life in an affluent suburb of Atlanta, Georgia." Now, wait.  Oxygen?  That may not be Oprah anymore.  I don't know if it ever was.  That's the O Network.  It doesn't matter. The Oxygen network has a big new show, a reality show about a rapper who fathered 11 kids by ten women. It's All My Babies' Mamas, this spring. Don't miss it. 

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: This is Mike in Atlanta.  Mike, welcome to the EIB Network. Mike, do you happen to know this rapper who is gonna star in All My Babies' Mamas? He lives in "an affluent suburb of Atlanta." Do you know this guy? Have you heard of him?

CALLER:  No, I'm afraid I don't know him.

RUSH: Oh. You not even heard of him?

CALLER:  I haven't, but that doesn't mean anything.

RUSH:  Well, it won't be long before you do because he's gonna be on TV.  Anyway, welcome to the program.  Great to have you here.

CALLER:  Great to talk to you.  I'm kind of bewildered about Al Roker's circumstances.  I'll calling in because I've gastric bypass and know lots and lots of other peoples through the support groups that I attend who have never heard of such an unfortunate incident happening. 

RUSH:  You've not had flatulence become solids and had to throw away your underwear?

CALLER:  No.  No.  I've never heard of a doctor even mentioning that as a side effect of this wonderful surgery, which is a blessing.  It's one of the greatest things that's ever happened at me.

RUSH:  Well, Al Roker said he was not vigilant in what he ate.  What can you not eat if you have this surgery?

CALLER: He seemed to be indicating that it was a common occurrence, and I'm saying I never heard of it.  You know, there's a lot of things that might make me poop my pants if I were to walk in the White House, but I don't want to blame it on gastric bypass.  I don't think it has anything to do with that.

RUSH:  Well, that's an excellent point.  But, you know, Al was trying to do a service here for the American people who have had gastric bypass.  You could tell in his tone.

CALLER:  I wouldn't want anybody that's contemplating having the procedure done to think that that's gonna happen to them, 'cause I've never heard of that happening.

RUSH:  Okay, well, that's good. I'm happy to be able to serve the country in this matter by providing the truth about gastric bypass.  It does not automatically lead to pooping in your pants.

CALLER:  No.

RUSH:  Yeah, Al Roker made it sound like it's common.  You're right.  But at the same time remember Al and Nancy Snyderman were performing a service.  They were helping people so that the same unfortunate thing did not happen to them.  But it's funny here because, you know, usually, folks, it's people who leak to reporters, and in Al's case it's a reporter who leaked.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH:  By the way, folks, in the interests of factual accuracy, I should probably point out that the Al Roker event happened in March of 2002, not recently.  Al Roker was in the Bush White House when he pooped his pants. That did not happen in the Obama White House.  I did not want anybody getting the wrong idea about this. 

Taylor Swift and Harry Styles have broken up after a blowout in the BVI.  It's terrible. It's got Hollywood shaken up.  It's almost the same impact as KStew and RPattz when they blew up. It was New Year's Eve, New York City, Taylor Swift had a Times Square performance. They jetted off to Virgin Gorda and then it all blew up.  Sad thing.

Kim Kanye Kardashian just bought an $11 million house in Bel Air in California.  They're not married yet.  She's got the baby bump. No baby yet. Gotta buy a crib for the crib, 14,000 square feet and the remodel.

The Octomom, after just five months off of welfare, the Octomom Nadya Suleman is back up on welfare, according to TMZ.  Well, that's not a bad idea, to hook her up with the rapper in Atlanta.  I mean, that's gonna be a big show.  You wait.  You're hearing about it here first, folks.  My Baby's Mamas.  New to the Oxygen network. 

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

I'm still laughing, Quentin Tarantino bragging about his mother dating Wilt Chamberlain. I mean, who didn't? That isn't any great shakes.

END TRANSCRIPT

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