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“If you work at MSNBC, wear a donkey lapel pin or brooch. Identify yourself as a Democrat Party reporter, no longer disguised as a news person.”

“I said at dinner, ‘McCain could nominate Jesus Christ and the Democrats would turn him down.’ And then some Obama people in the corner heard me and said, ‘Jesus Christ is dead.’ So I said, ‘No, he’s not. He rose from the dead.’ That shut them up!”

“Barack Obama may be a smooth talker, but when you get down to genuine intelligence, common sense, and knowledge, this guy’s an order of fries short of a Happy Meal.”

“They’re going to wreck the country — whichever one of these Democrats gets elected. It’s going to be Jimmy Carter’s second term.”

“I’m looking forward to the big Memorial Day weekend; I always have a big barbecue on Sunday afternoon. All I have to do is tell people it’s going to be Allen Brothers burgers, and people ask to be invited. Plus, we get to fire up the grill, and that causes pollutants.”

“Can you have turkey burgers or anything like that? No? You just do vegan stuff? All right, Snerdley — we’ll fry up some cheese and French fries for you.”

“What in the world is the judiciary committee doing conducting hearings of Big Oil executives? Why not drag Algore’s butt up there and have him defend all the efforts he’s made to drive up the cost of fuel with his idiot science?”

“What is it about people with big ears that makes ’em wacky? I mean, Prince Charles has big ears, and Barack Obama has big ears.”

“Harrison Ford — of the new Indiana Jones and the Democrat Party Temple of Doom, or whatever movie it is — did a PSA to raise awareness about the effect of deforestation on global warming. I am now going to boycott this movie: This guy is too stupid to appear in something that’s even make believe.”

“What is the point, superdelegates, of being super, if you’re not going to be super?”

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