Number three, they “don’t shy away from change. There are five stages of change, Morin writes: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. Following through with each of the five steps is crucial. Making changes can be frightening…” It is. People will literally paralyze themselves in a lot of ways because change is new. That’s the thing about change that people have the biggest problem with. Everybody has a comfort zone, things that they like to do that they feel comfortable doing, being, saying.
And any kind of change? “Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know. But mentally powerful, tough people aren’t afraid of it. Number four, they “don’t focus on things they can’t control.” Now, you hear this all the time. You hear it a lot from golfers. You hear it a lot from sports people. You hear it a lot from others being interviewed by people on TV. “Well, you know I can only worry about things I can control.” It’s become almost a cliche that people say because it sounds good, sounds mature.
But to actually recognize it and to actually understand it and realize that there are things you can’t control, that it’s a total waste of time being affected by those things. Trying to change those things is a total waste of time, and they all end up serving the purpose of diminishing you, because you end up realizing, “Oh my God, I’m powerless! I can’t do anything. I can’t control anything. “That’s not it. That’s the negative, worst example of it.
But it is a very, very important thing to be able to understand what you can’t change, what you can’t control and deal with the things that you can. Number five, they “don’t worry about pleasing everyone.” I think that one is the thing that has more people in personal prison than anything else: Worrying about what other people think of you. And everybody does. It’s impossible not to. I’m convinced it’s part of the human DNA. And then the way some of us are raised makes it even worse.
You know who suffers more from this than anybody in the world? The sons and daughters of the rich and prominent. Their parents are constantly on them about the example they have to live up to, and about the expectations the world has of them or the country has of them. They are often warned not to embarrass the family. “Do not disgrace the family name,” and look at how many of them do. Look at how many children of the wealthy and prominent blow it, make fools of themselves.
Because it’s huge, huge pressure to go through life spending every waking moment worried about what somebody thinks of you. You want to talk about power? You are giving away power to people that you don’t even know when you’re worried what they think. Particularly people you don’t know, when you’re worried about what they think of you, you’re giving people power like you can’t believe.
At the same time, you’re assuming that they’re better than you.
If you’re worried about what they think, then what they think of you is more important than what you think of you and who you really are. And then you start tailoring yourself to try to be what everybody this person expects you to be, and before you know it, you don’t know who you are. And then you become a phony-baloney, plastic-banana, good-time rock and roller. It’s the toughest thing in the world to not worry about what people think of you particularly if you’re a child and your parents are always there.
“What are they going to think of you if you get a D? You know what people are going to say?” “I’m sorry, mom!” It’s just forced on us all the time. But if you can escape this, if you can escape the prison of not worrying what people think of you, you will be amazed at how your life will be different. The major reason you will get rid of this assumption that everybody is better than you or that everybody is more put together than you, or everybody is hipper or everybody is more well adjusted than you are.
I mean, if you’re going to waste time worrying about what other people think of you, you’re automatically saying you’re inferior to them. That’s a hell of a place to be. I think this one is number one. Number six, they “don’t fear taking calculated risks.” That doesn’t need much extrapolation. Number seven, they “don’t dwell on the past.” I’ll tell you how I learned that one. I’ve told this story too many times. I once was interviewing George Will. Way, way back, before this program even started, when I was working in Sacramento.
I asked him: “Do you ever stay up after everybody’s gone to bed at night having an adult beverage, and do you ever sit down in the dark and ponder what you mean to people?” “No, no.” He thought the question was silly. He thought it was ridiculous. He didn’t have time for that. He had to worry about what he had to do the next day. And he meant it. Don’t dwell on the past. Don’t think how great you were. Don’t think how wonderful they thought of you back then, because tomorrow it doesn’t matter. There’s more.
RUSH: We’re back. Concluding the “13 Things Mentally Strong People Do Not Do.” And, by the way, I understand that if you’re in a personal relationship, like a marriage or boyfriend/girlfriend or boyfriend/boyfriend, whatever, and being concerned with what the other person thinks. There are exceptions to all of this. But I’m referring to this mostly in an individualistic sense. These things are all applicable in that regard.
Okay. Number seven, they “don’t dwell on the past.” Number eight, they “do not make the same mistakes over and over.” They learn when something doesn’t work. And they don’t keep proving it by trying it over and over. It doesn’t work? Try something different. Don’t be obstinate and strong-headed and prove that it’s something will work when it doesn’t. This is not giving up. It’s simply finding another way.
They do not resent… Mentally strong people do not “resent other people’s success.” I think that’s kind of tough. I think a lot of people resent other people’s success no matter who they are. I believe mentally strong people are able to get past that, but I think that affects a lot of people. That’s human nature, too: Jealousy, envy. Number ten, they “don’t give up after their first failure.”
That’s obvious. Number 11, they “don’t fear being alone.” You think that’s a tough one? Being alone is tough for a lot of people. I do my best work alone. I’ve never been a collaborator. I can’t stand collaborating. Collaborating holds me back. Number 12, they “don’t think the world owes them anything.” And number 13, “they don’t expect immediate results.” They’re content to wait a couple of three days for the welfare check to be deposited.
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