JASON: Let’s kick it off with what Kathryn was talking about yesterday, and that is the great debate on the Rush Limbaugh program between cats and dogs and the new Limbaugh kitten.
RUSH: We got a new kitten. We waited an appropriate amount of time. We went out and got a new kitten, a new Abyssinian, a tawny. And this little cat — I’m going to have to send some pictures up to Koko over the weekend. This little cat…. Punkin was an adult cat as a kitten. It was the most amazing thing. This little kitten is a kid.
This little kitten is like every kitten you’ve ever seen, just gets into everything. No, I don’t think I’ve got a kitten unlike everybody else’s. Everybody’s got these same stories, but I mean this little kitten tries to find every wrong place to go, every dangerous place to hide, but it’s the most affectionate little thing.
I’ve got some of the most amazing pictures of this thing sitting on the couch with us watching TV. It’s not actually what it’s doing, but it looks like it. We named her Allie. But I’m telling you, she’s most affectionate little thing. Unlike most cats, she’s not yet reached the aloof status. That will happen as she gets older and becomes a woman cat. But right now, she is running me ragged, and the cat is mine.
I’m the only one who feeds the cat so that it bonds with me, but she loves Kathryn at the same time. We’ve introduced one dog to her. Well, two dogs. The lead dog, Abbey, is not havin’ it. Abbey didn’t care when another dog showed up. This cat, it’s another story. Wellesley doesn’t care. She’s totally clueless anyway. She doesn’t care about the cat being in the room.
So, anyway, they’re late nights, and the cat is all over me in bed. It’s just the most fun thing. Most people think dogs are smarter than cats. The reason for that is that cats don’t respond when you call them. Now, I know you cat owners, “My cat does!” I have a cat and when the cat’s hungry and I say her name, she’ll look to me.
She’s an Abyssinian, and they’re a little friendlier, you know, than other breeds. “Come here Punky. Come here.” She’ll make a move. But not all the time. It’s very rare. She’ll just look to me like I’m an idiot, “Don’t you know I’m a cat and can’t understand what you are saying?”
You call a dog; it slobbers and licks you all over the place. It has what people consider unconditional love, and people think, “That’s brilliant. Dog can learn the language. Dogs can even bark the language if they’re good enough and smart enough. A cat…” See, I think the cat has to be smarter than the dog. There’s no other possible conclusion.
Cats have staff.
Dogs have masters.
We always refer to the dog’s human as its master, and it calls it and orders it around. Dog’s ordered into the water to go get the duck that you just shot into the muck. Try getting a cat to do that. A cat’s not going to get himself dirty for you. A cat’s not going to catch any food for you. A cat’s not going to do diddly-squat. A cat’s going to make you do all that for it, and they succeed.
There’s no such thing as a seeing-eye cat.
You know, they don’t care!
You get run over, car; it’s your problem.
They sit around, and they are superb royalty. They’ve got it set up. Everybody waits on them and dotes on them. They don’t have to do diddly-squat. If you don’t, they’ll come head butt you and all this to let you know. But all this debate about animal intelligence is relative anyway, because when you get right down to it in terms of human IQ, all animals are idiots.
JASON: (laughing) That was classic Rush. “All animals are idiots.”
JASON: One more little clip on Rush’s fascination between dogs and cats. And this one’s a good one. It’s a funny one on — well, it’s a funny story about the dogs.
RUSH: Somebody in the break asked me how the dogs are. They said, “Look, you’ve done golf and you’ve done football. You better do the trifecta and totally tick off the issues-only crowd by talking about the dogs.” All right, funny story about the dogs. Over vacation, the dogs were at their school.
Kathryn’s still away with her family. She stayed on vacation and I got the dogs. I had the dogs with me, and Kathryn wanted to see and talk to the dogs. So I got my iPhone out. It’s got FaceTime. You can make video phone calls. The phone has two cameras.
So I put on the camera that featured the dogs — I’m looking at it dogs and that camera — and I turned the phone around to Kathryn so the dogs could hear her voice. I showed her to the dogs on the phone. I know the dogs can’t actually see an image on the phone, but they can hear her voice, and they were going nuts!
You know, Kathryn said, “Hi, Abbey! Hi, Wellesley!”
“Woof! Woof!” and they’re running around going nuts and going crazy. It was the funniest thing.
JASON: That is a great story. (laughing) That is a great… That was a great thing about Rush, wasn’t it? He could engage the audience while making a point. He wasn’t a Johnny One Note. He has a thousand imitators that just get on and repeat the talking points, devoid of a sense of humor, devoid of real diversity.